It's yours Lord

It's been a horrible couple of days. A hellish couple of days. I feel so alone.....

Why is it that all the bad stuff seems to happen at once? When it rains, its pours.

We're back in Colorado......only to have to leave again. He's got all of his stuff packed, now we're just waiting on the call. I'm not ready for him to leave. I really do not want to have to live the next year of my life without him by my side. We have an extremely odd relationship, full of ups and downs, but I do not want to have to be away from him. I'm trying really, really hard to be strong, but I'm not doing very well with it.

My cousin, who is only four months younger than I, was in a terrible accident. Her ankles are shattered, legs broken, pelvis shattered, vertebrae broken, crushed shoulders, broken arms, her face is there, but there's nothing behind it, the bones are crushed. Her brain is swelling. She's in pretty rough shape. We were close as kids. I feel helpless. I just wanna be there for her and my family, but i'm here, with my husband, because he needs me. I've cried for days......and slept alot. I'm like a walking zombie. She has a five year old daughter, and they haven't told her yet. They've just told her that her mommie had car trouble.

Her grandmother, which is my aunt, has cancer. Her body has stopped responding to the chemo. There's noting they can do for her anymore. We found all of this out on Wednesday, and Katelyn had her accident on Friday.

My nephew, who I pretty much raised, broke his arm. Pretty bad break. He's looking at surgery. It makes my heart hurt that I can't be there for him. I was wanna hold him and take his hurt away. He's been through so much in his short little life, it seems so unfair.

I'm struggling to keep my head about water and it feels like i'm drowning. I cannot find a reason to smile anymore. This is so not me. It's times like these when I remember the Serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.